Identify if you are addicted to love, and the steps to break away and heal the painful cycle.
Chemical and gambling addictions have society’s attention. Relationship addiction doesn’t. Addictions are emotion-based. What is more emotionally consuming than a love relationship?
It is well known that serious addictions can kill people as well as destroy lives. Relationship addiction can lead to mortality and destruction, and tears apart love of self, life and the relationship to everything in our world. (Excerpt from back cover of Breaking the Chains of Painful Love.)
An addiction is a reliance on something for normal functioning. If this object is removed, then a withdrawal shock is experienced. Addiction in its progressive stages creates manic levels whereby the individual repetitively has a compulsion to attach to the source of addiction - despite harmful consequences to their mental, emotional, physical or financial state.
Any addiction is serious.
Relationship addiction is deadly serious.
Females have a greater genetic disposition to fall into the state of addicted love. They tend to more readily glorify their partners and see them as their source of happiness. Such women have not worked on their own identity and learnt to provide their own sense of personal support and power.
Women are also more likely to be hooked by narcissistic partners and stay whilst allowing their sense of self to be stripped away, which also leads to the serious state of relationship addiction – often coupled with the effects of severe psychological abuse.
Relationship addiction is unlikely to play out long term, as it won’t be allowed if at least one individual in the relationship is emotionally healthy enough to sustain a successful committed relationship. Generally the players involved have attracted each other as a result of unresolved emotional insecurities.
Please note: although these points portray the woman as addicted, they are relevant for either sex.
Addictive love is not healthy love. It’s obsession. This is confusing for many people, because they feel it so intensely and think – ‘It must be love!’ No, it’s not – it’s a chemical peptide rush that’s hooked into your body, and a deep subconscious self-abuse pattern that is playing out in your psyche. This is your body’s way of resurfacing past wounds to be consciously discovered and healed.
Individuals who suffer relationship addiction often have unresolved childhood issues creating the intense ‘pull’ in an unhealthy relationship. Generally (subconsciously) the individual is trying to resolve unresolved feelings by attracting an individual who causes the wounds (such as abandonment, distrust, abuse) from childhood to surface again.
From a bigger picture perspective, this is a perfect system in order to heal what has not yet been healed – however if we are unconscious to this system the old wounds get ripped open again and the pain is horrific with no end in sight.
Recovery is vital. Love addiction eventually leads to demise and even death if not halted - such as institutionalisation, homicide, suicide or death from a terminal disease or accident.
The steps are:
These plans can be:
The purpose is to work toward:
If you are virtually disintegrated as a result of Relationship Addiction, it can be terrifying to break away and take the first steps. This is essential if you wish to heal the painful anxieties and depressions of addiction and work toward creating a great life and a great relationship.
Please note that there are solutions. The understandings of the addiction as well as processes to heal are imperative.
My books Breaking the Chains of Painful Love and Take Back Your Power give you the step-by-step information and procedures that I underwent to overcome suicidal Relationship Addiction and the trauma of abuse.
Recovery from the psychological, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse of narcissism is imperative for an individual to put themselves and their life back together. Specific healing and procedures do produce the results necessary for an individual to create an empowered life where they will not be susceptible to narcissistic abuse again. In many cases the recovery from narcissism has been necessary for an individual to outgrow co-dependent childhood scripts of poor boundary function and victimisation.
Love, happiness and success are possible after suffering the effects of narcissism.
Melanie Tonia Evans
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