From Victim to Survivor to Thriver
Releasing ‘who we were’ to become ‘who we truly are'
by Melanie Tonia Evans

We can easily model ourselves on our history and choose to believe that our past and present is our truth. To be stuck in this victimized thinking will continue to create energy of being victimized by life and others. There is a huge necessity to liberate our beliefs, thinking, words and actions into those that embody the future we wish to create. More than this we can also align with the System of Life that truly works. We can become at one with Universal Principles that are solid, durable and timeless. Please read on to discover the reasons why we have suffered adversity and the grand (and perfect) plan of our liberation and freedom.

Do you know how fortunate we truly are? We have a wonderful ability to make decisions. In reality we are never truly stuck. We can decide to create a new life and move forward no matter what our reality looks like. It may seem so…but the truth is: we are never powerless.

Our History of Pain

Many people have a history of pain. I am certainly one of them, and chances are because you are reading this article so are you. This is a common denominator with life. Many individuals at some point in their life suffer pain and loss. And I totally agree that when you are feeling crippled by pain, helplessness and depression it is an incredibly lonely experience. Even when you have support, at some level you know that you are the only person who can get you out of it. This can feel terrifying. After all aren’t you so low and so broken that the thought of getting strong and motivated and making rational and powerful decisions almost feels as feasible as climbing Mount Everest with no experience? Have you ever noticed if you try to do something and tell yourself, “There’s no way I can do this”, you experience this self-fulfilling prophecy, yet if you are feeling calm, powerful and pretty darn pleased with yourself you tend to say and feel “I can do this” and it usually works out this way. So obviously when you are shattered with hurt and loss anything new, self-confronting and empowering seems miles away from your capabilities.

The Acceptance of 'The Reasons'

This is where processes and awareness of ‘what has truly been going on’ are so important. The awareness of our life plan and the reasons we have endured so much pain grants a powerful relief. I personally found DNA knowledge of my soul plan life-saving. If I hadn’t been able to understand why my life had been the way it had I know I wouldn’t be alive today. I would have given up. I would never have been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact if I really thought it was all going to be the same I couldn’t possibly have walked forward. I would have been terrified and probably crawled up in a corner somewhere rather than risk a repeat of the past.

Understanding Evolution and Life Principles gave it all reason. Not just a possible reason. An amazing and phenomenal reason, and a reason that was so enriched with growth, purpose, healing and infinite glorious possibilities that it took my breath away. When I finally understood what my life was all about I wanted to hold onto and honour my life and unlock the aspects within me that were screaming out to be healed and liberated (hence the disasters and pain). I KNEW my life could change beyond recognition. I KNEW I no longer had to feel like this or keep experiencing the upheavals and chaos. I recognised that I had - on an inner level - planned it all perfectly. This is why I totally adore Numerology (Soul Blueprint), DNA belief programming and Past Life information (I have been very blessed and humbled with the ability to ‘see’ past lives since being a small child). This deeper knowledge helps grant the answers.

Please don’t think I am being glib or dismissive. I have experienced life and death situations and deep abusive trauma, and I certainly know that other individuals have suffered far, far more than me, and I deeply empathise with every individual who has suffered pain and loss. Yes, it truly does hurt and yes it may turn our life onto another path that we could barely even fathom let alone stomach. The loss may be so great that we have to completely start over again, mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. I have been stuck in this place. I have looked around at my ‘new life’ that was merely the ashes of a previous one and kicked the crumbs in grief, anger and despair. And not just once – many times. In those times of kicking the crumbs nothing came along and saved me, and nothing got better. In fact my life just got crumbier and crumbier. Why? Because I was wedged in Victimhood. I was in fact abandoning and denying myself. I had denied the reality of the life that I had created for very good healing reasons.

It took me a long time to reach humility and embrace the real reasons. I wanted life and other people to change. I kept denying that I was the one with the internal issues projecting these problems (false belief systems and fears) into my life and creating my own pain. As far as I was concerned it was everyone else’s fault. I was a good person. I knew I treated others with respect and was honest. Wasn’t this good enough? I thought I had it all together. I was tough. I was stubborn. And I lacked self-reflection. My very toughness was my undoing as it took several big events of trauma to finally topple me to accept the truth. The truth was I had never learnt how to be authentic, supportive and compassionate with myself, or learnt to admit there was something seriously wrong with my world. Predictably my old strategies kept failing. They would last for a period of time (the quick fix), but sure enough the same patterns and disasters would keep emerging, and they were becoming more and more intense.

Taking Responsibility

It wasn’t until I was forced to my knees only a hairline margin from having dribble coming out from the corner of my mouth that I finally got it.

I realised – “If you want to know what is going on in your inner world look at your outer world.” - Buddha

Upon owning my creations (my entire life) and blessing the reality of my life I began to research, learn and channel as much information as I possibly could about how to turn it all around and rise into the life I truly did want. I discovered that my desires (the yearnings and language of my soul) were my truth (as they are everyone's) and not just some fanciful concoction. Instinctively I knew that if I could release the past and survive, that I would thrive and unlock the potential to experience the aspects of my life that my heart truly desired.

The first key was humility. There are only two types of people. Ones that have issues they can improve and admit it, and people that have issues they can improve and don’t admit it. Since moving into the first category my life has steadily built with durable, solid and measurable results. Every client and student I have ever worked with who struggles with humility reflects this truth: if we keep pointing the finger outwards nothing gets better. And more than this if we keep blaming circumstances outside of ourselves we will always keep drawing the same adversities over and over into our experience.

Humility is incredibly empowering and transformational. It grants the ability to make life-affirming decisions that move you forward. Think about it. If your car was bogged and you denied the fact and tried to keep driving you would only dig yourself deeper. It’s not until you exit the car and admit it’s bogged that there is any hope of a solution. When you practice humility you automatically experience an inner freedom. It’s such a relief to let go of what you have been trying to hide, and acknowledge that you’re not perfect. No-one is. We’re not here to be perfect. We’re here to grow, evolve past the pain and become better people and experience a better life. No one actually expects us to be perfect. We have been projecting our self-criticism and fears onto other people who have been criticising and attacking us back.

Try this theory out for yourself. The next time you know you are out of line, immediately apologise. I mean it. No matter whom it is to. Tell this person. “I am sorry I just did that. I was out of line, my sincerest apologies.” And don’t make justifications, just apologise without excuses. (Apologies with excuses and justifications are not apologies and significantly damage trust and respect in relationships). Don’t require a response, or do this purposely to milk sympathy. Simply do it because it is the right thing to do. you'll be amazed at the love and support you receive from others. The emotional deposits you make into your relationships will be astounding. The trust levels will rise considerably. When trust is high, love and support flows naturally and easily.

The same totally applies when you stop hiding your mistakes and dysfunctions from yourself. Admit aspects of yourself to yourself and feel the inner glow of love and freedom that occurs. you'll begin to embrace, support and trust yourself. Unconditional love (the most powerful and non-resistant energy that clears all blocks to allow manifestations of love, success and happiness) must take place within you to have any sustainable effect on your outer world.

Finding and holding a level of love and flow takes work and may take time. It is essential to break free from feelings of injustice, resentment and violation. This is explained in more detail in the article How To Forgive. It is futile to move forward when we are making other people’s poor behaviour our stuff. Releasing the past thoughts and pain are essential in order to create a new life that has no possibility of repeating those patterns. Make this a priority in your plan of self-liberation.

Once having established humility, a desire to work on self and releasing the painful toxicity of the past there is a need to ‘map out where you want to go.’

Creating An Authentic Life

There is only one way to create an Authentic Life – and this is from the inside out. Whatever is going on within you is going to be the creator of the security, direction, power and achievement of love, success and happiness (or lack of) in your outer world. Our most important function is to develop our character and then all of life will follow.

In order to become aligned with life, and feel safe and trust life, there is a requirement to create an energy system within ourselves that is congruent (aligned) with the timeless unchanging laws of life that WORK. This is the ONLY place where we can and will experience dependable safety and dependable, solid results.

Therefore the key is: to create a solid basis of self, that is infallible, unchangeable, consistent and deeply embedded with laws of integrity, truth and a solid sense of self. Then regardless of what is occurring in our outer worlds we have this ‘truth of self’ granting us guidance and a solid platform within. This is our anchor, direction and purpose to life.

To do this you need an unchangeable sense of who you are on a foundation level.

This inner security is: knowing your identity, having healthy self-esteem and self-worth and knowing that you have the ability to emotionally detach from situations outside of you that you have no control over. This is a knowing that you have a firm emotional foundation within yourself. Do you have personal emotional strength or do you have emotional defects that you need to work hard at? By identifying and releasing your co-dependent behaviour (being affected and dependent on aspects and people outside of you for your validation and identity) you'll create a more solid sense of self.

We then become proactive and take responsibility for our own creations and express life-affirming actions, rather than recreating conditions and events that aren’t what we truly want.

This strongly formed value centre is unchangeable in the face of outside influences. Life may be changeable yet values and principles are timeless and unchangeable. And principles don’t react to anything – they remain constant and consistent. Principles and values are deep inner truths and foundations.

Therefore as Stephen R. Convey declares in his marvellous book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People “…we can be secure in the knowledge that principles are bigger than people or circumstances, and that thousands of years of history have seen them triumph time and time again. Even more important we can validate them in our own lives, by our own experience.”

Once we embody values, principles and Ultimate Realities in our experience – the lens through which we view our world completely changes. And our view of ourselves, life and outer circumstances begins to takes shape as a view that works.

In order to understand what self-identity you decide to embody, think about what ‘treatment’ do you wish to receive from life, your environment and others? This is a vital question. We live in an energy system of ‘like attracts like’. The following statement is simple and I promise you very true: Whatever you wish to receive you HAVE TO match on an inner level. You need to be aligned by embodying and living these principles. If life isn’t supplying you these commodities – it’s because you aren’t living them.

In one of my Divine Connection classes we created a ‘Declaration of Independence’ a classroom decision about ten qualities we all wanted to receive in life and then everyone shared the WAYS they could embody these principles. A young lady named Katie blew all of us away. And the class unanimously recognised that she had captured the essence of ‘who we all wanted to BE.’  Read this Declaration of Independence below.

I hope you are now inspired to take the journey from Victim to Survivor to Thriver and access the knowledge and the solutions to claim this as your reality.

Copyright © 2007 Melanie Tonia Evans. All Rights Reserved.