Narcissism & Narcissists Frequently Asked Questions

There are two types of narcissism. Healthy narcissism and unhealthy narcissism. Healthy narcissism is a state of ensuring one’s needs are met without affecting one’s environment and other people in adverse ways. Healthy narcissism is a constructive assertion of self, and mature utilisation of decision making processes. Unhealthy narcissism is a state of trying to get one’s needs met in ways that are detrimental to one’s environment and other individuals. Unhealthy narcissism is a destructive assertion of self and immature utilisation of decision making processes. Extreme narcissism is known as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

The symptoms are numerous. The most common being:

• A grandiose belief in being ‘unique’ and ‘special’.
• An inflated and often pathological state of self (a ‘false self’), which is manufactured in order to receive approval and attention (narcissistic supply).
• A fine hair-line trigger in relation to any perceived criticism , which then brings on ‘narcissistic injury’ (insulting of the ego / false self)..
• An inability to be accountable or take responsibility for actions.
• Creating justifications and excuses that are pathological, unreasonable and extremely immature.
• Bi-polar like mood swings of depression (when not gaining attention and approval) and ‘high’s when feeling full of narcissistic supply.
• A profound lack of conscience and empathy, and an inability to assimilate how destructive actions impact on others.
• Limited resources to give to others in times of need for genuine reasons (other than soliciting narcissistic supply).
• Blaming of others (especially intimate partner) for feelings of inner pain, torment, shame and anger.
• An ability to manipulate, lie, charm, bully, threaten and deceive in order to get needs met.
• Envy, jealousy and rage towards other people who are happy and full of good feelings.
• Extreme discomfort, rage and distrust of others who take attention away.
• Extreme childish insecurities and blaming others for these insecurities.
• High levels of distrust towards intimate partners and certain others, and almost childish idealisation of other individuals outside of intimate circles.
• An inability to follow through, complete tasks and dedicate oneself to any structure and conformity that doesn’t promote narcissistic supply.
• Pathological jealousy that cannot be reassured.
• Projection of own inadequacies onto others and twisting facts in order to create the other person (often the intimate partner) as the enemy.
• A parasitical approach to other people’s resources, believing they are entitled to take from this person or organisation.
• A con-man demeanour that creates a spilt persona of ‘street angel / home devil’. (Most people who don’t know narcissists intimately think they’re wonderful people).
• An ability to severely discredit their intimate partners to other people.
• Attempting or enforcing the control and isolation of intimate partners

“Narcissism is disturbingly common, My belief is that narcissism at the level of NPD could be as high as 16% of the population. The number of contacts I receive daily in regard to narcissism are numerous, and the symptoms that are described are totally consistent with high-level narcissism. Every one of us knows a narcissist, or someone that has suffered abuse at the hands of a narcissist.” ~ Melanie Tonia Evans.

Yes, both sexes produce NPD’s. Generally narcissistic males create more wide-spread damage due to the tendency of women to cling to narcissistic relationships whilst trying to fix them. The average male is far better equipped to leave a narcissistic female once her ‘glamour’ wears off and the narcissistic personality and insecure and immature behaviour emerges. Narcissistic men are also more likely to act out violence, pathological jealous and rage, which can be extremely dangerous for women.

The myth of vampires was modelled on unhealthy narcissism. Narcissists commonly terrorise people, suck them dry and leave them in advanced and psychotic states of co-dependency, relationship addiction and severe mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and financial disintegration. The experience of being violated and abused by a narcissist is one of the most horrific ordeals that any individual could ever participate in. A powerful addiction experience takes place (being addicted to the narcissist), which is very difficult to break free of unless specific healing procedures are engaged in. Many individuals never recover from the effects of narcissistic abuse, and this is why prevention and substantial healing practices are very necessary in order to minimise and heal narcissistic damage.

“I wish I could say ‘yes’. I believe that individuals with narcissistic tendencies can in fact apply humility, do self-development work and take responsibility for their insecurities, defence mechanisms and heal. I’ve never personally came across a true NPD character that could remain in humility and truth for long enough to do the necessary work to stop projecting their darkness and pain onto life and others. The pathological aspect of NPD creates a profound lack of accountability, empathy and conscience, as well as a fabricated false self that truly doesn’t think and operate in ways that are logical, real or humane. The true narcissist has created such a fantasy image of themselves as a means of defence, that they can’t seem to assimilate truth or healthy behaviours. Accountability and truth feels to the narcissist like the ultimate vulnerability which will leave him or her susceptible to emotional and identity annihilation. In my experience the true narcissist will avoid becoming ‘real’ at all costs, regardless of the losses he or she may incur.” ~ Melanie Tonia Evans.

Yes sometimes a relationship can be sustained with a narcissist, but it’s impossible to experience a healthy and safe relationship with a narcissist. A narcissist has modelled life as ‘all about him or her’, and views other people as objects through which to gain narcissistic supply, or to set up as the scapegoat to avoid accountability by blaming this person. Narcissists are masters at violating boundaries, and have no respect for your emotional, mental, physical, spiritual or financial space. The best relationship to have with an NPD is no relationship. Narcissists are often ‘poisonous’, and once they’ve violated your space, can easily find the mark in order to do so again. The best defence against a narcissistic relationship is moving on, and totally enforced boundaries; even calling on intervention by authorities if necessary. A life with a narcissist, no matter how strong you are, will feel like you’re losing your mind, walking on broken glass and creates your isolation, and the experience of your entire world turning against you. If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, conditions won’t improve until you pull away and start taking responsibility by empowering yourself.

The healing and the empowering of you is vital if you’re going to ‘get off the hook’ and create a healthy, loving and safe life. I suggest seeking Quanta Healing™ and my journalling program PLH Empowered Relationships™ in conjunction as soon as possible in order to start breaking away from the abuse in order to recover yourself

Sadly, many people don’t realise that the ‘signal’ of narcissistic abuse is a calling to a ‘new you’. You’ve suffered enormous violations and the torturing of your soul, and the last thing you may feel like doing is recognising what happened to you as’ a gift’. The truth of the matter is, when you can recognise and embrace that you’ve been co-dependent and had poor boundary function, you can take responsibility for your own healing. This then starts shifting you out of being a victim into an evolving conscious being. Narcissistic abuse is a ‘make or break’ deal. You’ll remain shell-shocked, or you’ll liberate yourself to a new empowerment that you couldn’t imagine, even before your narcissistic experience.  The individuals who heal from narcissistic abuse have exceptional acceptance and love of self and personal power, and they experience profound and durable happiness and peace. No longer do they give themselves away to others and life, or hold others responsible for providing them with their own sense of self. Recovery from narcissistic abuse offers the ultimate opportunity for incredible personal growth and transformation.