My name is Melanie Tonia Evans and I am so thrilled to bring to you not only hope, but a way to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.
I had no idea that I was going to become a ‘narcissistic abuse recovery expert’ when I grew up! In fact, for a long time whilst suffering narcissistic abuse, I had no idea what this really was. Before being narcissistically abused, I had spent more than a decade on my own personal development and was myself a spiritual healer, coach and teacher. I really thought that all the work I had done on myself meant that my life was sorted!
However, I was wrong. I found myself in a relationship where I started to experience things that were completely foreign to me. I was constantly on edge, finding myself apologising and reassuring my partner even though only moments before he seemed totally happy with me and us.
Why was I always getting it wrong? Why couldn’t I durably appease him and keep him happy despite my constant efforts?
I was in grave emotional anguish, because I really believed I loved this man more than any other ever before. The extent of me believing that we were soul mates destined to be together for life, led me to marrying him very quickly. I had never felt so sure about anything in my entire life.
Yet, even before marrying and not long afterwards, the strangest of things happened. I sensed his unease and even dark rages bubbling under the surface. And they were starting to explode with an increasing ferocity.
Then there were the lies – lies about both small things and whopping big things. There was always an excuse – it was someone else’s fault. And of course, despite all reasonability, many times he claimed it was my fault.
Things got worse. I became more confused and, without me realising it, my life and rights and boundaries were being disintegrated at an alarming rate. I was regularly accused of doing the wrong thing, and my ‘normal’ state became shaking in terror about how he’d be, even for the smallest things such as when I got home if I was held up for an extra five minutes in a shopping line.
At times the abuse was so bad that I’d leave, but I couldn’t stop returning. At times I would get strong and stay away for periods of time. During one of those periods I even divorced him! Yet, I still believed I loved him, couldn’t live without him and that if I just tried harder, somehow, I could help him believe in me and be the man I wanted him to be.
I was falling apart. I’d lost interest in the people and things I used to be passionate about. My every day was about what he was doing, thinking and what he would do next. I couldn’t stop obsessing about him.
I couldn’t eat, sleep or function, and I ended up being only 80 pounds with my hair falling out in clumps. The inevitable happened. I had a psychotic breakdown and had to be rushed to hospital. They ran tests and discovered that my adrenals were shattered to pieces. I was in such a state of hyperarousal that I was told I could have a stroke or a heart attack at any time.
Because of my now reoccurring psychotic episodes, I was prescribed three antipsychotics for the rest of my life. The diagnosis was that this would be necessary for me to function and that I would never be able to function as I had before my breakdown.
I became suicidal; I didn’t want to continue living if it meant I would be drugged out and could not be in life normally. And, unbelievably, I even thought that my son would be better off without me.
So there I was lying on my bed thinking about how to exit the planet without hurting people too much whilst a voice in my head kept saying, ‘There is another way. There is another way. There is another way.”
I thought this voice was my madness speaking, so I told it to, “Shut up. There isn’t. There is no other way.” But it just kept at me. In desperation I walked into my bathroom, fell on my mat, put my arms up, and I screamed out, “Help me. Please! I can’t do this anymore. I’m done!”
I just surrendered. I let go of everything, and when I did this it was like my head parted and an epiphany came in with crystal clarity. Immediately I knew everything I had been through wasn’t about him and he was just a catalyst; he was the person showing up in my life to smash my wounds open to make the unconscious conscious. This was all about me waking up to the truth that my life had been an entire life of outsourcing.
I’d never loved and approved of myself; my love for myself was totally conditional. I had always been my own worst critic and had never believed I was good enough. Other people would never have known this – they thought I was ‘together’ and ‘capable’. The truth was I hadn’t understood this about myself either because until this moment that had always been my ‘normal’. I hadn’t known that there was any other way to be.
As a result of not being connected to myself in loving and supportive ways I had consistently looked for love and approval in all the wrong places – from False Sources. I had sought out people who were never going to give me my wholeness, but who were going to show me the ways in which I was not yet whole.
Many people think that when I talk about the Quantum Truth of so within, so without, that I am saying narcissists come into our lives because we are bad people. That is not what I am saying at all – I am talking about how the soul wakeup call we receive from narcissists shows us that we have been really hard on ourselves, as well as how we have not yet been able to develop as our own healthy source of love and approval.
After this download of startling clarity I was catapulted into the future, where I saw myself Thriving. I felt the feeling of being healed, whole, expanded and truly here in my body, loving being alive. This was a prophecy – it’s the state I live as my everyday reality today.
But then I got snapped back into my shattered, emaciated state, and the voice in my head said, ‘That’s what you have ahead of you if you choose this mission. Or you can go; you can leave. The choice is yours.’
I chose the mission.
I had no idea how I was going to heal, but I had hope. I did know, however, that it was an inside journey and that what I’d been trying to heal was completely wrong. I knew with certainty that it wasn’t about him, it was truly all about healing me. I also knew that trying to think and research my way out of the trauma logically was never going to work.
Prior to my epiphanic experience I had been like a drug addict with him – even after we divorced I was still lying to everyone and seeing him in secret. I hadn’t been able to stop. But from that revolutionary moment onwards, I went complete no contact. I also went back to the hospital the next day and talked them out of prescribing me anti-psychotics, which was a miracle. That was the day I started working out how to heal from abuse for real, because from that day on I self-partnered; I turned inwards.
For the first time ever I showed up for me and became the very person my Inner Being had required all along. In the past I had done anything and everything to run away from my painful emotions, rather than love myself back to wholeness. I was astounded to discover, even without the super-tool of Quanta Freedom Healing that I have now, my psychotic episodes melted away. I know this was because, finally, for the first time in my life, I had stopped self-condemning and self-abandoning.
Soon after my psychotic episodes stopped I stumbled on kinesiology. After just one session I experienced an incredible relief, a huge shift, and I knew immediately that body modalities that address the subconscious within were the true way to go.
I became an advanced Kinesiologist. Then I came across Theta Healing and learned it as well. So, coupled with time-line therapy that I was already a practitioner in, I had several powerful tools in my kit bag to heal my trauma with. I created a fusion of all three, which at the time I called ‘Holographic Healing’, and I found that using this method on myself and clients was granting incredible relief and freedom from abuse trauma.
Yet I still wasn’t fully healed, as I had an agoraphobia condition which seemed to be unmovable. In safe, contained spaces I was great. I was really expanded, feeling completely free of Complicated Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But if I went out into open spaces I felt like I was crumbling, and the terror was overwhelming. I felt totally unsafe out in Life in these circumstances. It was crippling.
I went to healer after healer. The best I could find from a huge range of energetic healing and bodywork practitioners. I also continued to try to heal myself with the powerful tools I had at my disposal, but nothing worked. However, despite this, by now I was far enough into my Quantum Healing journey to know that if I found the original core causation traumas, and if I could get them out of my cells and bring in Source, I would be instantly healed. I knew I could do it, because I’d already experienced how possible it was to do this through working with myself and many clients. I refused to give up hope, because I knew I wasn’t meant to continue living like this.
A girlfriend of mine invited me to Koh Samui, Thailand, and even with chronic agoraphobia I knew I had to go. So I travelled on my own, which was horrifically terrifying for me. After arriving and collapsing into the safety of her arms, I settled within the hotel parameters for three days. By then I wanted to get out in Koh Samui. However, despite trying it was virtually impossible with my agoraphobia.
I was determined to find the healing solution so I went back to my hotel room and set this intention: ‘I’m going to get the answer today’.
I opened my heart and my mind with pen and pad at hand, and it came. I was taking dictation and it came quicker than I could write.
My heart was pounding with excitement; I knew this was it.
There it was – a combination of Theta Healing, Kinesiology, past life healing, and other stuff I didn’t think I knew. But as I was writing everything down, I inherently knew that I did know it, it was ways to access different levels of the subconscious mind as well as the multi-dimensional self in order to produce a complete healing. I worked on myself with this new healing system for two hours, finding causation, deep survival, collective human, past life, and epigenetic traumas of ‘It’s not safe to be in life’. I loaded them up, letting each trauma go and bringing Source down into the spaces where they had been. The relief and release I felt was indescribable.
Then I walked out into the main street of Koh Samui, extended, free and radiant, with my heart connected to everything and everyone. I felt totally impervious to anything and anyone. I’d never felt like that in my entire life, ever. Even before abuse. It was a totally new and wonderful feeling.
I’d always been the little girl who hid behind her mother’s skirt and wanted other people to accompany me and make decisions for me. I had never felt safe to do new things on my own.
I thought, Oh my god, what just happened? Agoraphobia NEVER came back.
That was the first ever Quanta Freedom Healing. It was December, 2007.
When I got back to Melbourne I said to all my clients, we’re not doing ‘that’ anymore, we’re doing ‘this’. The healing results with Quanta Freedom Healing were like getting out of a family car into a Ferrari. Word of mouth exploded, and psychologists, counsellors and domestic violence case workers started contacting me saying, ‘What happened to my client – they changed overnight?’
I was taken completely by surprise. These were well-known psychologists and specialists, and I was just this little woman in a Melbourne suburb doing these ’Quantum’ healings on people!
Before long, I was booked out six months in advance simply by word of mouth. I knew by that stage how much of an epidemic narcissistic abuse was and how many people needed help – and it just wasn’t possible to do this work with so many people one-on-one.
That’s why the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) was created. And to my absolute delight, NARP’s effectiveness was greater than I could have ever dared to hope for. People were healing faster with NARP than my one-on-one weekly clients, because they were able to access the specific Quanta Freedom Healings within the Program at any time they felt in need of it.
Eventually the work became too much for me to do on my own and I enlisted the help of my son Zac, who now runs the business side of Melanie Tonia Evans (MTE). Since then we have brought on talented team members, most of whom became known to us as stand-out members of NARP. Today we have nine terrific MTE team members in all corners of the globe, including Australia, Switzerland, the UK, USA and Canada.
Together we are committed to providing the most effective and accessible system to heal from toxic relationships, and it fills our hearts with joy daily to get so many incredible emails and messages from our amazing community.
Now, today, after a decade, the lives of over 10 million people from more than 100 countries have been touched by my Thriver Mission, accessing the way to heal for real from narcissistic abuse. Doctors, psychologists, domestic abuse workers and counsellors from all over the world refer their clients to my work.
After deciding to accept this mission all those years ago, there hasn’t been a day go by that I am not thrilled, overjoyed and humbled to be able to make such a difference to those suffering the effects of abuse.
What is also so heart-warming is the incredible ripple effect this revolutionary system of healing has had on people’s children and loved ones as well as other lives that they touch.
Recently I published a book called You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, which is now available in bookstores across the world. During my book tour the Thriver Mission was featured on national television in the USA and Australia.
We are in an amazing time on Earth right now where expanded consciousness and true solutions to trauma are available. With the Thriver message and mission we will continue to shine a great big light on the truth to make sure that anyone who has suffered the horrendous effects of narcissistic abuse knows that there is a way to truly recover and Thrive.