Also, there was a strong emphasis on the physical side of the relationship all the way. As the relationship ‘progressed’, I was subjected to a treatment of triangulation with various other females, dishonesty, gaslighting, blame shifting, word salads but above all, to a well-exercised mastery in prevarication.

I had no ‘vocabulary’ for narcissism then and what it meant, but would start to question certain behaviors.

I was hooked on attention, apparent care and consideration very quickly but not willing, or ‘able’, to let the relationship go. Affection soon dwindled down and returned only periodically.

Insistence on being ‘an altruistic provider’ was the narcissist’s gateway to getting his supply as well as feeling entitled to my time, attention and sex. There was an increasing sense of knowing this situation was full of denial and to my detriment.

Four months into the relationship, I returned to my spiritual practice (and the guru I used to follow) just to cope with the deep distress I felt rather than to deepen my spiritual understanding.

I was on high alert, chain-smoked, lost my appetite and my weight plummeted. I got very secretive and started to feel deep resentment towards this person and the situation I knew I wasn’t able to neither change nor accept. I felt I had no options for myself but letting go felt like an ‘unthinkable’ option at the time. Finally, the sense of emotional distress and mental confusion grew to such a level, I felt I cannot cope any longer and I’ve ended the relationship.

Whilst I was looking for yet another Satsang with my guru online, I came across a female ex-member of the community suggesting guru’s inappropriate behaviours towards female members. It took a few days to assimilate this news and I froze. Now, I had to question what integrity, truth and honesty really mean to me and what is it that I truly stand for.

I started reading various materials and listening to videos online regarding narcissism and my awareness of it truly expanded. The shock of spiritual betrayal I felt shook me to the core though and I felt free-falling into bottomless abyss, intensely paranoid and full of terror as if losing a battle for my Soul. I was aware I was losing grip on reality at that point and the three weeks that followed were the most challenging time of my life. Life was not to be the same again.

With increasing clarity regarding narcissism I felt more of an emotional stability now but I was still very easily triggered and on ‘high alert’.

After four months of hesitation, I decided to purchase the NARP self-help program and started working with it right away. In hindsight, I would get the program immediately as now I’m well-aware how quickly it worked and this was what I needed the most at the time.

I worked with NARP for the next 8 weeks, several times a day. I would take an inventory of how I felt and how much progress had been made at the end of each week. This was a deliberate, focused action. I started to feel joyous and lighter again, freer of the endless ruminations, anger and sense of betrayal I’ve felt towards the narcissist in particular. There was more work to do though as I’ve come to recognise there was a lot of healing work to be done regarding my past and that my last relationship was only a tip of the iceberg.

I’ve tried other methods of healing and moving forward, such as the Mirror Work by Louise Hay and reading about C-PTSD. These materials were very supportive and/or informative but no other method I’ve tried was as effective as the energy healing shifts in NARP and I would recommend this method in regards to healing any trauma nowadays.

I feel deep gratitude for the support and information I’ve received from so many narcissism recovery experts over the period of time as I’ve learned so much and it supported me tremendously. Perhaps, my experience and knowledge may support others too, one day …

The help is out there if you seek it, wholeness and peace is available if you work for it.

Know the Power to change your life is within you – seek it earnestly.

Thank you and may you Thrive !!