Co-Dependency Issues - Learning How to "Let Go"
The Only Person You Can Control Is You
Recovery from Co-dependency means taking responsibility for our own life whereby we stop trying to coerce, plead, bully or manipulate other people and situations to change in order to make our lives happier. Trying to control another person or life simply cannot work. Love, success and happiness are states that only we can create for ourselves.
Every time we try to establish these states from the outside in - we hand our power over and become power-less to create our own lives.
True love, success and happiness can only be created by 'being' these states ourselves.
Co-Dependency - The Plague Of Mankind
The human disease of 'co-dependency' is widespread. It's estimated that the greater majority of individuals have experienced an emotionally dysfunctional childhood. It's suggested that any child who grew up in a dysfunctional family has developed the disease of co-dependency.
What is co-dependency? Co-dependency is a dis-ease of being outer-focused rather than being able to healthily detach from people and situations to focus on and take care of Self. Co-dependency is an unhealthy dependency on outer circumstances.
Please Help Me Be Safe
Rather than take responsibility for their own lives, co-dependents try to control events and people through granting compassion, advice giving, lecturing, helplessness, emotional blackmail, manipulation, guilt or anger.
Co-dependents feel empty on the inside and try to fill this emptiness with 'things' outside of themselves. They are personally dis-empowered in this state.
In most cases co-dependents are trying to re-write the scripts of their painful childhoods, and will re-attract the same pain over and over. Co-dependents often try to make safe and trustworthy environments with unsafe and untrustworthy individuals and circumstances.
By trying to control aspects outside of themselves - co-dependents end up being controlled by life and other people. Co-dependents forfeit their right to create their own lives.
It's very important to realize that when we're trying to change our outer life and are not congruently honouring ourselves, we are acting co-dependently. When we're trying to fix life and other people we're in a position where this can hurt us. If we continue to stand there whilst complaining, blaming or attempting to control the situation or person, we will keep getting hurt.
I'm Nothing Without You
In advanced stages of the disease, all our feelings (the greater majority will be obsession and pain) will depend on someone or something else. We'll have lost ourselves to a level where we can't identify or respond to what we require for our safety and well-being. We forfeit our rights to identify and maintain healthy boundaries. Our ability to take care of ourselves and treat ourselves with respect desperately diminishes.
It's Got to Come from Within
Our society has it backwards. We've been taught that our happiness depends on how we perceive life outside of ourselves. This is insanity because in reality we have no control over anything that isn't us. This attitude to life has always kept us in pain. The truth of the matter is - we can choose to be happy and self-fulfilled regardless of what is happening on the outside. Then we can stop being clingy and needy and creating self-sabotage. We can finally make healthy decisions that honour us and attract and maintain real love, safety and happiness.
If you know you have co-dependency issues you need to make your recovery a mission. This requires healing your fears of feeling out of control. This means being willing to be responsible for your own emotions without focusing on anyone or anything outside of you to escape yourself. This is the only way you can be free. No-one else is going to provide you with the guarantee of happiness and safety. This job is yours alone, and until you step up to the plate other people, situations and life will inevitably hurt you.
Reflections
- Co-dependency is widespread, and a serious human dis-ease. Virtually everyone has 'controlling' issues.
- If you are overly affected by circumstances outside of yourself you are co-dependent.
- If you try to control outer circumstances you'll end up being controlled.
- You have no power or right to change another person or situation.
- The only 'thing' you can ever change in this life is yourself. This is where your true power lies.
- If you try to 'fix' situations outside of yourself they can hurt you. Staying means they will continue to hurt you.
- If you rely on circumstances and people outside of yourself for love, safety and faith in life, you are always at risk of being damaged.
- True love, safety and faith in life are commodities that no-one else can supply. You need to establish these within yourself.
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